Surviving “Mom Fail”

Written by Kate Powell

Parenting is a dicey subject because everyone has an opinion, a philosophy, and a story about what worked, what didn’t, and what they hope to do differently.

I write this as a mom of a 6-year-old and a 9-year-old—still very much in the trenches, still learning, still needing God’s wisdom daily.

As we continue our Summer of Psalms, I keep coming back to Psalm 1 — not because it gives a step-by-step parenting manual, but because it asks a deeper question:

What counsel are we walking in? 

Psalm 1 begins this way:

“Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on His law he meditates day and night.” —Psalm 1:1–2

What counsel are we allowing to shape our parenting?

Because every day we are surrounded by voices telling us how to parent. Social media, podcasts, parenting books, friends, family, and even our own experiences can all influence the way we approach parenting.

If I am honest, some of the loudest voices shaping my parenting have not always come from outside of me. They have come from within me.

I will admit that my parenting has often swung between two extremes: too harsh or too passive — with very little middle ground.

When I was too harsh, it was usually because I was parenting from fear—trying to control outcomes instead of trusting God. When I was too passive, it was because I confused love with avoiding discomfort.

In both extremes, I was forgetting something important:

My job is not to control my children into obedience, nor is it to simply affirm every desire they have. My job is to faithfully teach, guide, love, and point them toward the Lord.

I have had well-meaning friends offer advice like, “Follow your heart” or “Do what makes you happy.” These phrases sound loving and freeing, but they reveal something deeper about the culture we live in.

Because the world around us is constantly offering counsel. It tells us what to value, what to pursue, where to find identity, and what should define truth.

Culture says:
“Follow your heart.”
“Do what makes you happy.”
  “Avoid discomfort.”
  “Your feelings should guide your decisions.”

But Scripture offers a different path.

We see in Psalm 1 that the one who meditates on the Lord is blessed. And the blessed person delights in the law of the Lord and meditates on it day and night.

But what exactly is the law of the Lord?

When David wrote Psalm 1, he was referring to God’s revealed instruction in the Torah—the first five books of Scripture. But he wasn’t simply studying rules. He was learning the heart and character of his Father

There is so much we can learn from the Torah about how our Father relates to His people and how His heart shapes the way we parent. But here are just three:

First, our Father gives His children identity and belonging before instruction. God creates them in His image.

 In Genesis, “God created man in his own image.” Genesis 1:27. Then He blesses them: “And God blessed them.”  Genesis 1:28

Only after establishing who they are does He give instruction.  Before my children need correction, they need to know they belong.  A child who knows they are loved is better positioned to receive correction.

Second, our Father pursues his children even after failure.

In Genesis 3, after Adam and Eve sin and do the very thing God asked them not to do, God does not walk away. He does not abandon them. He goes looking for them.

“But the Lord God called to the man and said to him, ‘Where are you?’”
 — Genesis 3:9

God already knows where they are. He is not asking because He lacks information; He is inviting them back into relationship.

He addresses the consequences of their sin, but He does not abandon His children.

This reminds me that when my children fail, the goal is not simply to make sure they feel the weight of their mistake. The goal is restoration.

A child’s mistake can become an opportunity to teach repentance, responsibility, forgiveness, and grace.

A question I want to be intentional about asking myself as a parent is “When my child sins, am I more concerned about making sure they feel the weight of their mistake, or helping them encounter the Father’s heart that brings them back to restoration?”

The third way our Father parents us is He gives his children loving boundaries that lead to life.

The Ten Commandments are often viewed as rules, but they come after God rescues Israel.

God first says, “I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt…”
 Exodus 20:2. 

Then he gives his commands, “You shall have no other gods before me…” Exodus 20:3

God’s commands are not: “Obey me so I will love you.” They are: “Because I love you, I am showing you the way of life.”

God’s boundaries were never meant to control His children. They were meant to protect them and teach them what is good.  

This has caused me to reflect on my own parenting: “Do my boundaries communicate fear and control, or love and wisdom?”

When I meditate on the law of the Lord, I don’t just discover what God commands. I discover who God is. And the more I know the heart of my Father, the more I learn how to reflect His heart to my own children.

One of the clearest ways understanding the Father’s heart transforms our parenting is in how we view discipline.

Proverbs 3:11–12 says:
 “My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline or be weary of His reproof, for the Lord reproves him whom He loves, as a father the son in whom he delights.”

The Lord disciplines His sons and daughters because He loves us. His correction is not rooted in anger or control; it flows from His desire to protect us and lead us into life.

This is why Psalm 1 feels so important to me in this season of parenting.

Because something is always shaping our children. The question is not whether our children are being discipled. The question is who – or what – is discipling them.

Will it be social media? Friends? Fear? The pressure to make our children happy?

Or will it be the steady wisdom of God’s Word?

Psalm 1 continues to give a beautiful picture of the person who is rooted in God’s truth:

We see in verse 3 that says “He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither.”

When I read this picture in Psalm 1:3, It helps me realize the kind of parent who helps my children become like trees planted by streams of water—children whose roots run deep into the truth of God, whose identity is found in Him, and whose lives bear fruit because they know and trust their Father. 

But I also know something important: I cannot cultivate roots in my children that I am unwilling to grow in myself. Before I can point my children toward a life rooted in God’s Word, I have to allow God to root me there first. Then, out of the overflow, I can faithfully raise my children who can become like trees planted by streams of water. 

I want to be a parent rooted in God’s Word and shaped by His wisdom—a parent who lovingly leads even when it is uncomfortable and points my children not toward happiness or comfort, but toward the Lord Himself. Maybe the greatest parenting failure is not our moments of impatience or mistakes. Maybe the greater danger is when we allow the world’s counsel to shape our parenting more than God’s Word. 

As we continue this Summer of Psalms, Psalm 1 is inviting us back to the source. Back to God’s wisdom. Back to delighting in His Word. Back to asking, every day: What counsel is shaping my parenting? And how can I be more like my Heavenly Father to my children? Because the goal is not perfect parenting. The goal is faithful parenting. Parenting that is rooted in the Father’s love. Rooted in the authority of Jesus. Rooted in the wisdom of the Holy Spirit. And trusting the Lord with the hearts of the children He has entrusted to us.